5. The walk.

After a while the husband calmed down. And finally noticed that I was in bad shape.
So to kill five birds with one stone, We went for a walk.

Bird no. 1
The Baby gets fresh air.
And falls asleep.

Bird no. 2
I get to  stretch my legs, and take-a-leak if you know what I mean.

Bird no. 3
We all get to be together doing something social.

Bird no. 4
The couple get to show off there baby.

Some girl: Oh she's so cute!
ME: He's a boy stupid!
The wife: Oh he's a boy *unnecessarily smiles*
Street dog: That lady fat.
ME: Well your ma'!
Street dog: Yea?
ME: Yea!
Street dog: Yea?
ME: Yea!
The husband: Oookay let's separ-OW!
ME: Why you..
Street dog: HA HA SUCKER!
ME: Well your Pa' as well!
Street dog: Yea?
ME: Yea!
Street dog: Yea?
ME: Yea!

Bird no. 5
I ate a pigeon.

4. Its Time!

The couple were acting weird. Well, the husband was acting weird and the wife was getting... ...well... ...larger. The husband would come home every night and rush to her "rescue" or something. (As if I didn't have everything under control!)  She would tell him she was "fine" and that he didn't need to worry.

I had been worrying about another rival for attention but nobody showed up! I had gotten all worked up about a fourth member of the family, and all that was new around here was the husband running around all over the place asking the wife if she wanted her nuts!!

I was miserable.There wasn't anything new too sniff, (unless you counted the nuts.) And there was hardly ever any time for them to scratch my tummy!

Then on one frosty morning while I was laying on my mat in the kitchen, I heard the husband yell from the room above: "Its time??!!!! Oh my gosh,oh its time, its time, its time, its..."
"Maybe its just time to get more nuts!" I thought to myself. I contemplated on whether peanuts or pecans would go better with my dog food if I stole them.

The husband ran down the stairs skipping four steps at a time. I got up, stretched my legs, put on my sternest face and told him not to make a racket and to be quiet. He didn't listen. I didn't think he would tho, I had gotten used to it. He ran outside turned on the car, ran back inside and up the stairs again. "Just asking which kind to get!"  I thought. But the wife came down with him. She was walking one step at a time, while he was walking six, running back five and then running six again.

They got in the car and drove away.
"Oi! Wheres my food! I need petting!" I said.


Well after a day or two (I had been let out and fed by the old lady across the street.) I heard the car drive in the driveway. I got and ran to the door leading to the garage. I heard a car door open. Someone was walking up the steps. I wagged my tail.

The wife walked in and the husband soon followed. He was calm now, But a little pale.
The husband asked her if she wanted her nuts. She didn't want any . She sat down on a chair and fell asleep. And thats when saw that she had a bundle in her arms. So I got up on the arm of the couch and looked in her arms. He was the littlest person I had ever seen. All thoughts of bullying immediately left my head. His little pink hands and feet, his chubby cheeks, his light brown fuzz.

Seeing as how I wanted to meet this new fellow I leaned over and licked his feet a few times.
Then I was called to more impotent matters. The husband, when he left her to sleep, had apparently gotten me some food and was shaking the bowl to get my attention. I walked over. And as I ate my food I thought of the friendship that would become with me and the fourth member of the family.   

3. The happy loss of my nemesis. (the parrot.)

Well I told you already about couple that just wouldn't listen to me. And the dang parrot that wouldn't shut-up.

 Now the parrot was a sly one. When he talked, the couple would say "good job Polly dear!"
(I said they should call her la dumbo, but they wouldn't listen.) 
And when I spoke up they smiled at me and went on with whatever they had been doing. (Most times congratulating Polly dear.)

Anyway. I got to thinking, and I came up with the most evil plot ever created by dog. But, it wouldn't work. (It would have to involve the couple getting so mad that killing the bird would be thought rational.)

I thought on.


Of course, I had to just bear it while Polly stuffed her face. But he-he, all good things come to an end. I'm glad to say.
One day we where all eating our food. The couple eat at the table, Polly siting on her perch. And me siting sulking on the floor thinking about how good roast parrot must taste like.

2. beginnings

I was born in Gutenberg Iowa. Your probably thinking that Gutenberg Iowa doesn't exist. But it does.

I don't know who my mother was, but I do know that I was at a pet shop, and there was a parrot that was driving me crazy! Finally I was bought by a couple who where just married, and they wanted someone to watch the house while they where at work. I said they should not take the two for one deal and get the parrot two. They didn't choose very wisely.

On the way home they where talking on whether or not they should have me and the parrot in the same room or not. Again they chose the bad way.

when we finally got to there apartment they had a bunch of trouble, because they lost the key... and they wouldn't listen to me.

They just would't check under the "welcome" mat. I said "maybe you should check under the mat!" The husband smiled at me and said he should check in his left pocket (he had already checked his right.) I said "maybe you should check under the mat!" The wife smiled at me and then said she should check in her purse. And after three hours, they at long last thought "Why didn't we think of the mat!" I said that I had thought of that. They both smiled at me and opened the doors.

This was only the beginning of my troubles.  

1. Call me Norman

Hello my name is Norman. I'm not the best at introductions so I'll try to make this brief.

I'f you can here me now you probably found the letter I sent in that bottle. But what you probably don't know about me is that I'm a dog.

But don't just throw this away! You need to hear my miraculous story about how got this letter to you in the first place. And how I can write. And how I can think for that matter.

This is the story of me.

Norman, man's best friend.